Friday, 10 October 2014

Who said Accountants were boring?


If someone said to me ten years ago that my chosen career path would be accountancy I would probably have laughed my head off and ran the other way… little did I know ten years later this is what I do.

The old traditional view of accountants of being polite, boring, number crunching and are not very social or have any social skills were views that I had too prior to embarking on actually studying to become an accountant.

I worked in a transport company prior to this one and that was run like a concentration camp the manager was the office Hitler and the senior management were Hitler’s in training. I moved to a technology company where I realised not all workplaces were like the one before.

Where I was punished in my last company I was rewarded! I was so badly rewarded with a brilliant department to work in. Everyone was cool, chilled out and if you work in my office it consists of the following rules:

Never leave your computer unlocked – this will be raped by someone or another in the office, I did this once where I sent an email from my colleague’s computer to our boss telling him how much she loves him which popped up on his laptop which was connected to a projector screen in the middle of a meeting with the UK VP for Finance.

Never leave your phone unlocked – these are also subject to being raped by someone, on my phone messages were sent to different people on my WhatsApp, my profile picture was changed to me pulling me leggings up from my dress but looked like me pulling my knickers out instead. Also my name was changed to hoe.

Never get in close proximity to another colleague – someone will be waiting for you to be in close proximity and pictures will be flying around on WhatsApp and in some cases pictures will be printed and stuck around the office!

Items on desk - Will constantly be moved or changed these include the handsets from your desk phones will be unplugged, so if a phone call comes through it takes 5 seconds to realise they cant hear you - this has happened to me many time. 
Stationary will go missing and will turn up in random places such as a stapler in your handbag the hole punch in your laptop bag.
Food will also go missing, my strawberries i bought to work were found on the top of a filing cabinet - I in turn put K's cigarettes in the toilet waiting for her to locate where they are.

If you are still single we will pair you up with any new starters in the company. At the moment we are pairing up my colleague D with everyone who joins the company. if you are not single we will still pair you up with every colleague in the company!

Never do poses in the office which include bending forward and leaning into your computer you never know who will take a picture of your bum – you will see why as you read below.
Never leave your handbag in in open view – you will be subject to the following – hole punch paper being emptied in your bag, toy rats and spiders stuffed in there ready to scare you when you least expect it.

Let me tell you of my typical day at the office on Wednesday – I walk in between 9.15am and 9.20am my start time is 9am but I never make it on time. Neither does my manager or most people in the department so who will bollock us if we are late?

Then I worked for most of the morning at lunch took a 2 hour break as we were buying a leaving present for one of the VP's of the company. One of the present consisted of a chocolate slab with the following

Dear X
Thank you for leaving us you traitor
Love your colleagues at (A) oops (B)

(A Was our old company name we have recently been acquired and now we are B)

Then at 3.30pm my colleague K left her phone on her desk I went in and messaged a group chat that she was a hoe and in the meantime changed her WhatsApp picture to a picture of her bending down so her bum is on display and also changed her name to a hoe! (Btw I hacked her phone by watching her type in her pin not that she knows this she thinks she left it unlocked! Rape 2 of the phone will happen next week!)

In between all this got some more work done and now its 5pm so I thought I should start my next blog post!

So to clear you misconceptions of accountants – we are definitely not boring all we do is play pranks on other colleagues all day and in between get some work done!

Every accountant has a habit of swearing a lot, politeness goes out of the window as we draw closer to month end.

I am the most social person out of this group and if you ever are with me not a moment goes by without laughing!


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