The Local Library

Posted by IR

So I went to my local library last week as I needed some books on teaching. Before I could get any books out, I needed a library card. I hadn't been to this library in 11 years! So here's how the story went:

IR: I need a library card please. (Sweet smile...all is good)

Librarian: Have you been to this library before?

IR: Yes, but many years ago.

Librarian: Ok i'll have to look at the records.

She took my name and address.

Librarian: You already have a card here. And you have two books outstanding on the card from 11 years ago. Do you have these books at home as you need to pay a fine.

I'm thinking you what! You want me to pay a fine from 11 years ago. And would I have these books at home....of course not! I obviously don't have the books.

IR: How much is this fine?

Librarian: Well if you don't have the books, you've got to replace them so the fine is £16.

Well I thought what the hell again. I'm not paying £16 for Jane Austens study guide and a chemistry book that I havnt used in 11 years. I sound so aggressive in this blog. And I suppose I am a bit fierce when I think to myself and then I speak and am ten notches calmer! So I told her I'd get back to her as I wanted to still see if there were any books on teaching. But she wouldn't leave me alone.

Librarian: Can you look for these books at home?

I couldn't possibly have these books you see as you should know that in the last 11 years I moved out to uni for 3 years. Moved back home. Got married and moved out again. Had a child. And in all that time never ever came across my Jane Austen study guide.

IR: I really don't have these books.

Librarian: But maybe you should look for them.

IR: I havn't got them...really I havn't. (cool as a cucumber)

She looks like a typical librarian...Glasses. Knee length pencil skirt. Grey hair. And then she tuts!

IR: So anyway. Can you help me to look for the books that I've come here for?

And her reply just made me laugh out loud!

Librarian: The books....how can I help you to look for the books...they're in your house!!!

Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Silly woman! Why would I ask you to help me to look for my books in my house? Why?

That feeling of wanting to hit my head against a brick wall was so overwhelming.

Needless to say I didn't find the books I wanted at the library and didn't even attempt to pay the fine. Kind of legged it out the library like I was committing a crime.

Oh and guess what my label is now:

biblioklept, biblioclept

1. A book thief or someone who steals books.
2. Besides the direct biblioklept there is the indirect thief who borrows and never returns books to their proper owners (including a library).